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Page 2 – Glenn Hedrich
Glenn has become such a writer of M.G. poems that he now has his own dedicated page!
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“MGA Poem”
Oh yes, I do say
I drive an old MGA
Built in England by Morris
Hope this tale won’t bore us
Built in the Fifties
She’s still pretty nifty
Rebuilt her for fun
And now that she’s done
She’s a gentleman’s toy
For this all grown up boy
Hand crank to get runnin,
Hell no, I’m not funnin
Top down rain or snow
Oh boy does she go!
Weather protection is bad
But I’m not yet sad.
The sun is shinin
My MG is flyin
With side curtains and top missin
Damn storm cloud starts pissin
Just soaked to the skin,
Man, I simply can’t win
I really can’t hack it
Forgot my damn jacket
Electrics are Lucas
Have a top down cold with Mucus!
Parts are often hard to find
Sometimes leaves me in a bind
Valve clearances are tricky
If too tight they go tickey
Get the ignition timing right
With a single bulb test light.
Timing is done “static”
Leave timing gun in attic
Tune those SU’s (two)
Get em running right
Woo Hoo
I’d rather use a unisyn meter
Than a hose for some heater
Cause listening to the hiss
Is not really bliss
Plugs need the right gap
So give em a little tap.
If you have good spark
You can drive to the park
Improper gap on the contact breaker
Really run rough, will surely make her
My MGA runs good
Just like she should
Goes through the corners quick
Look out for the country hick!
Driving slow in a Ford
Me behind in my MG, Bored.
Electric fuel pump ticking
My “A” takes a lickin
From a Corvette revving and growling
My MOWOG gearbox is howling!
The synchro’s are slow
Better double clutch or blow
The transmission to bits
That would be the sh*ts
– Glenn Hedrich
“MGA Oil Filter HELL”
Changing the oil filter on an MGA
Can sometimes take the best of a day
Silly filter hanging down
Need to be careful one does not drown
Loosen the bolt that holds all in place
It then becomes a hurried race
To move away before the oil
Which is almost at a burning boil
Runs down your arm and into your shirt
Ouch, damn, darn, that really hurt!
Feed pipes, washers, and other bits
Can sometimes give you awful fits
Getting all the parts correctly in line
Can sometimes take a lot of time
Pry hard o-ring seal out of the block
Be sure to replace or engine will knock!
Be negligent and forget just one seal
And you the owner will surely squeal
As oil pumps out, squirtin
Your pocketbook really hurtin
My oil filter woes are now all gone
Cause I converted to a simple spin on!
– Glenn Hedrich
“Driving an MGA”
(With apologies to REAL Poets)
Ready for a jaunt in my MGA
Sitting at home, I will not stay
Weather outside is quite bright and sunny
Filled up with gas, cost plenty of money
Check brake fluid, coolant, and engine oil
Seems everything’s pretty much up to Hoyle
Pull on the door cable and wedge myself in
Makes me wish I was somewhat more thin
Steering wheel is touching my legs
The car to be driven now almost begs
Gearshift in neutral, load off the tranny
Shift lever is close, indeed very handy
Now foot down, depress the clutch,
It’s pretty light, thank you very much
Ready to put my new key into switch
Finding a replacement was really a bitch
Put ignition key into slot,
Turn to the right, but not a lot
No starter switch is available by key
Pull starter button to crank engine, see?
Whir whir whir, the starter will howl
Engine starts quickly with a deep, throaty growl
Step on clutch, select first gear
Let out clutch and you will hear
Whine from tranny as gears start to spin
Don’t grind those gears, that’s truly a sin.
Shift up through the gears, it’s lots of fun
Car drives great and wants to run
Drop down (slow) into second gear
Now I can distinctly hear
From the tail pipe
Out the rear
The burbling exhaust sound
As I carefully accelerate around
The really tight curve
Be sure not to swerve
Potentially a serious hitch
I could end up in the ditch
The Radio really has it’s nerve
Imagine, playing “dead man’s curve”
Engine torque pulls me through the bend
Since my pressure on the accelerator does not end
Seems my MG is actually quite stable
Very unlike my Mercury Sable
The Merc wallows like a fat old cow
Handling described as pretty much a sow
Now heading my MG out of town
The roadster top as always, is down
Today not really wanting to race
Just feeling the sun shining onto my face
Just sucking in the clean country air
This day is so much better than fair
Enjoying my drive? Oh yes, do tell
This unplanned trip is simply swell
Just me and my car
We intend to drive far
Motoring most of the day
Watching farmers stack hay
I’m Enjoying this life
Without my ex wife
This is truly freedom, with my trusty MG car
But need to go home now to remove road grime and tar…
– Glenn Hedrich
“MGA Wreck”
Back in 1980, in the year of our Lord,
I was somewhat depressed, and little bored
A fun British toy I need to find
Said a little voice, in the back of my mind
Was car searching real hard
Then discovered, in a yard
Under dark skies of gray
A run down 56 MGA
Been in storage almost 15 years
By seller’s word it so appears
Residing in boxes inside the hulk
Pretty much seemed to be the bulk
Of parts dropped off, and pieces removed
Stored safely by owner, it obviously behooved
Speaking of the dumb previous owner
Which in this case, is really no misnomer
He butchered this classic, inside and out
It’s clear to see, and without a doubt
MG four cylinder was hoisted out
By the DPO, the insensitive lout
Shoehorned in it’s place, a 350 Vee Eight
This kind of butchery, I have to hate
Heater shelf area was torched away
Probably in much less than a day
To fit an alien V-8 part
Into Syd Enever’s beautiful art
Also installed, a Chevy 4 speed tranny
To send horsepower to the live axle fanny
Inner wheel wells were also taken
For extra room under bonnet to be makin
So the bulky V8 manifolds would fit
And that’s exactly where they did sit
The MG interior was completely trashed
The once straight dashboard, bent and bashed
Real leather seats, gashed, rotted, and torn
Can this car ever be successfully reborn?
Coachwork peeling, rusted with dings
Is it possible? Can I fix all these things?
Instruments, switches, essentially wire dangling
Guess I’ll have to do some fancy finagling
So the DPO drops the cost
Of this once fine vehicle, almost lost
To the wrath and ravages of father time
And the DPO’s bent and twisted mind
Yet despite the butchery, corruption and rust
Beneath the dirt and mould and dust
Lies this treasure, this car, this gem from the past
Restoring it properly could be a real blast
This broken, rusting wreck silently talks to me
About former days of glory and what it again can be
Tons of work yes, but think of the fun
Driving the roads again, giving her the gun
Though really a complete and utter mess
This car still has an MG’s soul, I guess
Finally settled on money, the amount, $375 dollars
You wouldn’t have wanted to hear my wife’s hollers
A wreck like this, are you out of your mind?
I think she wanted to kick my behind
Years of work and lots of money
My MG is now a veritable honey
Restored back to stock
Now people just gawk
At the beauty, and curve of line
And really, that just suits me fine.
– Glenn Hedrich
“MGA Tuneup”
My MGA is now running quite rough
I can tell precisely when it’s not up to snuff.
Gas mileage is really starting to drop
Time for a tuneup, out I can’t cop
Pull the plugs and check the gap
Inspect the porcelain for any crap
Plugs should be of colour light tan
Replacing them, is now the best plan.
Spark plugs are screwed in really tight, Jeeze
Next time I better use compound, anti seize
Be sure to use the correct plug gap code
So to precisely bend the side electrode
Check ignition cables for frays and cracking
Don’t want high voltage arcing or mistracking
Pull the distributor to install new points
They sell new ones at auto part joints
Set the contacts at inches point oh one five
With this clearance the engine will thrive
Wipe a smidgen of grease onto the distributor cam
Nicely lubed, open and close, the points will slam
Don’t forget to pull the distributor rotor
And under it, put a drop of oil, motor
Carefully check distributor cap
If bad, another one on, do slap
Ignition wires are clamped to distributor cap by screw
Just rip them out and you will have to buy ones new
Intake and exhaust clearances need to be set
Currently way out of adjustment, I’d bet
Insert into front bumper, the long slender shank
of the solid steel, but seldom used, MG hand crank
Turn handle clockwise to crank the mill
When correct valve is up, be completely still
Set each valve carefully, using “the rule of nine”
Adjusting the tappets can be a real swine
Trying to use driver, gauge, and wrench all at once
Makes an incompetent angry, and feel like a dunce
After adjustment, the lock nuts be sure to tighten
Failure to do so, could the owner, easily frighten
Crank engine to 7 degrees before top dead center
A timing light unnecessary, don’t bother to rent her
Just use a single bulbed test light
To set up the ignition timing right
Take the car for a fast, extended run
This is to warm up the engine, son
Now to correctly adjust the SU pair
Cause they need proper fuel and air
Remove the dashpots, sitting on top
Using solvent, remove all the glop
From the dashpot’s aluminum inside
Be meticulous, don’t let this chore slide
Throttle shaft coupling need to be undone
So that each carb of the set, can act as one
Then remove all tension on the choke lever
Carburettor adjustment before this, never
Make sure the jets are exactly right on center
The carburettor needle, be sure not to bend her
Can’t adjust carbs while sitting at a bench
Open toolbox and grab your SU wrench
Counting flats, turn the jet nuts to and fro
Continue on until you get proper gas flow
Check correct mixture by lifting a pin
Right or wrong you can tell by the din
Next, carb balance you need to set
With a unisyn that’s quite easy to get
Got no unisyn? use a heater hose
It’s the best alternative, I suppose
Check one carb and then the other
This ain’t so easy, is it brother?
The carbs are now set to be running quite fair
They are sucking just the right amount of air
Clean air filters in gunk, to flush out the dirt
Don’t splash grimy solvent onto your shirt
Oil the filters, and shake them dry
But reinstalling them doesn’t fly
Cause some engineering dolt
Made them difficult to re-bolt
Tuneup is now completely done
So drop the top, and have some fun.
– Glenn Hedrich
“Canadian MG Winter Doldrums”
Living in Canada and driving an MG
Can sometimes be a real pain, you see
Half of the year, the weather is nice
Rest of the year we have snow and ice
Six months of the year I run my MG to the max
At the season’s end, my Abingdon toy I must wax
Late November my MG is sadly stored away
Garaged right until May, and there it will stay
Winter months are spent mending worn MG bits
Waiting the arrival of spring is truly the pits
A lengthy diversion is what I need
For the long winter months, up to speed
Order parts online from Moss Motors
Always wanted spare distributor rotors
Check out catalogues, Scarborough Faire and Victoria Brit
But not driving my MG makes me feel just like S*it
Look out the window and see a raging blizzard
This doesn’t warm the cockles of my gizzard
Open the door and watch the snow fall
Soon the snow banks will really be tall
With the weather now being extremely cold
An MG driver would have to be bold
To run the real risk of dermis frostbite
While simply waiting at a local stop light
Ice melting salt, on the roads is a must
If driving my MG, would cause severe rust
Despite cold snowy weather, I get the urge
Out of the garage, my little MG to purge
For a ride top down in sub zero and wet
Damn, my MG wouldn’t even start, I bet
Engine oil is probably too thick
Synthetic stuff I really should pick
So the rest of winter is spent playing rummy
Eating too much, watching tube like a dummy
Reduced to writing bad automotive poems
Instead of checking MG regulator ohms
Spring I’m quite sure, will eventually arrive
Driving my MG, I will again feel alive
– Glenn Hedrich
Editor’s note: “the cockles of my gizzard”???
“MGA Soft Top Woes”
Driving down the road in my MGA
It started out as a beautiful day
As miles pass, the sky becomes gray
A rainstorm I think, is on it’s way
A loud thunderclap confirms my fear
Lightning flashes too, and getting near
Quickly pull off to the side of the road
Trying not to engage the panic mode
Drops on the windscreen, I do see
Damn, this shouldn’t happen to me
Open car door and slither out
Going to have another bout
With the construct it yourself soft top
So that MG interior rain, I might stop
Push seats forward, out of the way
Pull folded octopus out of it’s bay
Three metal appendages and vinyl hood
Windscreen header rail, made of wood
Wrestle with bows and get them to stand
Uncurl the snarled top, I need an extra hand
Rear top retainer bar goes into chromed clips
Words “starting to rain” jump from my lips
Now press down into place, the fasteners, lift o dot
A better solution, clearly should have been sought
Rain is now bucketing down, I’m getting wet
Will be soaked to the skin soon I’d, dollars bet
Wooden header rail into windscreen guide post
Almost gotcha now, you stupid MG top, I boast
Lock 2 thumbscrews metal on metal
Jump into car, onto soaked seat I settle
Aluminum side curtains are still in the bag
Thoughts of installing, makes my spirit sag
Since I’m already pretty much drenched
And putting up top, my back got wrenched
I simply leave leaky side windows off
And motor along, I’ve had quite enough
Knowing that the MG canopy, beat me once more
This miserable abomination of a top, I do not adore
– Glenn Hedrich
“Maintenance of an MGA”
Having ownership of a classic MGA
Is enjoyable, in more than one way
Drive the car, and give her the gun
Gets you out, in fresh air and sun
MGA has very pretty lines and curves
Strangers give it attention it deserves
My friend, Steve Gyles in Lancashire UK
Drives his faithful MGA each and every day
To keep your car running and looking good
Give it some routine maintenance, you should
Little car needs regular, tender loving care
Neglect this work, I sure wouldn’t dare
Like touching up nicks and scratches
Before becoming large, rusty patches
Wax the paint to keep a nice gloss
Obtain a quality polish, from Moss
Every 3000 miles, do a complete oil change
A very important task, so be sure to arrange
Greasing of fittings needs to be regularly done
A fairly messy job, and is a little less than fun
Best type of grease to use? Golly
Many MG owners swear by Moly
Swivel pins, drive shaft and handbrake too
Need regular injections of greasy goo
Lever shocks sometimes need replacement oil
Which might leak out, and will so surely soil
The live rear axle also needs lube
Best installed by a suction gun tube
Transmission oil needs to be checked
Otherwise, gearbox could be wrecked
Transmission filler plug is under the tranny tunnel
Have to fill the gearbox by using a flex hose funnel
Transmission does not take regular gear oil mixture
30 weight motor oil in gearbox is the proper fixture
Lest the owner still needs to be directed
Troublesome soft top needs to be erected
For battery access to gain
This job is indeed a pain
Batteries are housed in special hatches
Remove metal cover with dzus latches
Check for correct water levels in the MG’s battery
This nuisance chore should be rewarded with flattery
Carburettor dampers take oil, 20 weight
Checking proper level, it’s necessary, I rate
The pinion steering rack also needs attention
Use oil, not grease, almost forgot to mention
Which is forced into rack through a grimy zerk fitting
An often forgotten spot, be sure oil gun is hitting
Common chores are almost done
Owner did good job, second to none
After oiling several butt hinges and door latches
An afternoon nap, the tired owner now catches
– Glenn Hedrich
“MGA Clutch Job”
Problem started slow and gradually got worse
My MGA I now have to nurse
Drive down the road and hit the gas
Other cars, I can no longer pass
Engine speeds up, but car goes no quicker
Time for a new clutch, up, I better pick her
Pressure plate, disc and release bearing
Needs installation with skill and caring
Disconnect starter, clutch slave, and electrical wiring
Labour would cost plenty if someone, I was hiring
Unbolt motor and transmission mounts
Using rental hoist, so every minute counts
Hoist power train out of the car, at a steep angle
Engine and tranny, on a strong chain do dangle
Lower the four cylinder and gearbox slowly to the ground
Remove all the bellhousing bolts, hear the ratchet sound
Pull the gearbox from the engine back plate
Job is progressing smoothly, isn’t that great
Remove the clutch bolts evenly, a bit at a time
Look at clutch disc facings, now thinner than a dime
Degrease flywheel and pressure plate, scuff with 120 grit
Precisely where brand new clutch disc facings will sit
Bolt disc and plate loosely back into place
Use a centering tool, this is no time to race
Do not try to center the clutch disc by eye
Doing this will most likely make you cry
Make sure pressure plate bolts are torqued tight
Now new clutch assembly is installed right
Pry off spring clips that retain the carbon release bearing
To neglect replacement, future trouble, I would be fearing
Replace worn throw out pivot bolt, and install a new bushing
Need to soak in motor oil and then insert by hammer, pushing
Mate the engine and gearbox, using special care
Slight incorrect alignment, reposition just a hair
Gearbox finally sides right home, into place
Now you can see a great big grin on my face
Bolt the duo back together once more
All this effort has made my back sore
Hoist MOWOG pair back into car
Seems job completion isn’t too far
Don’t bump crankshaft pulley into paint job
Use some thought and TLC, you careless slob
Reconnect all dangling parts
Hook up battery, see if she starts
Been working all day, forgot to eat lunch
My stomach is grumbling, quite a bunch
Engine fires and runs, clutch feels good
Off to McDonald’s for some fast food
– Glenn Hedrich
“MGA Tools”
While it’s really fun to own an MGA
There will surely come a fateful day
When unexpectedly, and without a doubt
Your little MGA toy will finally crap out
It is now you realize you have perhaps been a fool
By not stockpiling sufficient automotive tool
Neither a tool borrower, nor a lender be
Unless it is I that needs to borrow some, see?
All MG enthusiast’s sturdy workbenches
Need to be stocked with plenty of wrenches
Open end, box end, combination and more
Listing them all could be a real chore
SAE and Metric wrenches, both are needed
Whitworth not needed, advice should be heeded
Dig real deep into your pants pockets
To get sets of shallow and deep sockets
Never have the proper tool?
Over tool catalogs you drool?
Do not sit and continue to moan
Go and buy that brake cylinder hone
Lots of screwdrivers too, they never collect dust
Slot, Phillips, Posidrive, and offset are a must
Need a good solid drift punch?
Spend some money and buy a bunch
And if your wallet was a little bit fuller
You could afford a three jaw puller
A two jaw puller will have to do
But make sure it has a hardened screw
Can’t remove the seized rad petcock, cause the wrench slips?
Then purchase a pair of top quality Petersen Vice grips
A part is stuck, you need to wham her?
Go and buy a bigger ball pein hammer
Need to pull your engine, using a garage joist
Why not splurge and buy an engine hoist?
Electrical problems require the faith of Saint Peter?
Not if you purchase a digital volt ohm meter
An engine valve now need a successor?
What you need is valve spring compresser
Lifting your car really hurts your back?
Better get a floor model hydraulic jack
For tool clutter, which you want to outfox
You need a mechanics nine drawer toolbox
Which sits atop a larger twelve drawer case
Perhaps enough storage to at least keep pace
Are you starting to get the picture my friend?
There is one basic rule you simply can’t bend
To repair and maintain an MGA requires many tools
That will only cost a king’s ransom in jewels.
– Glenn Hedrich
To submit your poem, lymrick, haiku or other writings, email me!