Page 2 – Glenn Hedrich

Glenn has become such a writer of M.G. poems that he now has his own dedicated page!

Click here fore Page1


“MGA Poem”

Oh yes, I do say
I drive an old MGA

Built in England by Morris
Hope this tale won’t bore us

Built in the Fifties
She’s still pretty nifty

Rebuilt her for fun
And now that she’s done

She’s a gentleman’s toy
For this all grown up boy

Hand crank to get runnin,
Hell no, I’m not funnin

Top down rain or snow
Oh boy does she go!

Weather protection is bad
But I’m not yet sad.

The sun is shinin
My MG is flyin

With side curtains and top missin
Damn storm cloud starts pissin

Just soaked to the skin,
Man, I simply can’t win

I really can’t hack it
Forgot my damn jacket

Electrics are Lucas
Have a top down cold with Mucus!

Parts are often hard to find
Sometimes leaves me in a bind

Valve clearances are tricky
If too tight they go tickey

Get the ignition timing right
With a single bulb test light.

Timing is done “static”
Leave timing gun in attic

Tune those SU’s (two)
Get em running right
Woo Hoo

I’d rather use a unisyn meter
Than a hose for some heater

Cause listening to the hiss
Is not really bliss

Plugs need the right gap
So give em a little tap.

If you have good spark
You can drive to the park

Improper gap on the contact breaker
Really run rough, will surely make her

My MGA runs good
Just like she should

Goes through the corners quick
Look out for the country hick!

Driving slow in a Ford
Me behind in my MG, Bored.

Electric fuel pump ticking
My “A” takes a lickin

From a Corvette revving and growling
My MOWOG gearbox is howling!

The synchro’s are slow
Better double clutch or blow

The transmission to bits
That would be the sh*ts

– Glenn Hedrich

“MGA Oil Filter HELL”

Changing the oil filter on an MGA
Can sometimes take the best of a day

Silly filter hanging down
Need to be careful one does not drown

Loosen the bolt that holds all in place
It then becomes a hurried race

To move away before the oil
Which is almost at a burning boil

Runs down your arm and into your shirt
Ouch, damn, darn, that really hurt!

Feed pipes, washers, and other bits
Can sometimes give you awful fits

Getting all the parts correctly in line
Can sometimes take a lot of time

Pry hard o-ring seal out of the block
Be sure to replace or engine will knock!

Be negligent and forget just one seal
And you the owner will surely squeal

As oil pumps out, squirtin
Your pocketbook really hurtin

My oil filter woes are now all gone
Cause I converted to a simple spin on!

– Glenn Hedrich

“Driving an MGA”

(With apologies to REAL Poets)

Ready for a jaunt in my MGA
Sitting at home, I will not stay

Weather outside is quite bright and sunny
Filled up with gas, cost plenty of money

Check brake fluid, coolant, and engine oil
Seems everything’s pretty much up to Hoyle

Pull on the door cable and wedge myself in
Makes me wish I was somewhat more thin

Steering wheel is touching my legs
The car to be driven now almost begs

Gearshift in neutral, load off the tranny
Shift lever is close, indeed very handy

Now foot down, depress the clutch,
It’s pretty light, thank you very much

Ready to put my new key into switch
Finding a replacement was really a bitch

Put ignition key into slot,
Turn to the right, but not a lot

No starter switch is available by key
Pull starter button to crank engine, see?

Whir whir whir, the starter will howl
Engine starts quickly with a deep, throaty growl

Step on clutch, select first gear
Let out clutch and you will hear

Whine from tranny as gears start to spin
Don’t grind those gears, that’s truly a sin.

Shift up through the gears, it’s lots of fun
Car drives great and wants to run

Drop down (slow) into second gear
Now I can distinctly hear

From the tail pipe
Out the rear

The burbling exhaust sound
As I carefully accelerate around

The really tight curve
Be sure not to swerve

Potentially a serious hitch
I could end up in the ditch

The Radio really has it’s nerve
Imagine, playing “dead man’s curve”

Engine torque pulls me through the bend
Since my pressure on the accelerator does not end

Seems my MG is actually quite stable
Very unlike my Mercury Sable

The Merc wallows like a fat old cow
Handling described as pretty much a sow

Now heading my MG out of town
The roadster top as always, is down

Today not really wanting to race
Just feeling the sun shining onto my face

Just sucking in the clean country air
This day is so much better than fair

Enjoying my drive? Oh yes, do tell
This unplanned trip is simply swell

Just me and my car
We intend to drive far

Motoring most of the day
Watching farmers stack hay

I’m Enjoying this life
Without my ex wife

This is truly freedom, with my trusty MG car
But need to go home now to remove road grime and tar…

– Glenn Hedrich

“MGA Wreck”

Back in 1980, in the year of our Lord,
I was somewhat depressed, and little bored

A fun British toy I need to find
Said a little voice, in the back of my mind

Was car searching real hard
Then discovered, in a yard

Under dark skies of gray
A run down 56 MGA

Been in storage almost 15 years
By seller’s word it so appears

Residing in boxes inside the hulk
Pretty much seemed to be the bulk

Of parts dropped off, and pieces removed
Stored safely by owner, it obviously behooved

Speaking of the dumb previous owner
Which in this case, is really no misnomer

He butchered this classic, inside and out
It’s clear to see, and without a doubt

MG four cylinder was hoisted out
By the DPO, the insensitive lout

Shoehorned in it’s place, a 350 Vee Eight
This kind of butchery, I have to hate

Heater shelf area was torched away
Probably in much less than a day

To fit an alien V-8 part
Into Syd Enever’s beautiful art

Also installed, a Chevy 4 speed tranny
To send horsepower to the live axle fanny

Inner wheel wells were also taken
For extra room under bonnet to be makin

So the bulky V8 manifolds would fit
And that’s exactly where they did sit

The MG interior was completely trashed
The once straight dashboard, bent and bashed

Real leather seats, gashed, rotted, and torn
Can this car ever be successfully reborn?

Coachwork peeling, rusted with dings
Is it possible? Can I fix all these things?

Instruments, switches, essentially wire dangling
Guess I’ll have to do some fancy finagling

So the DPO drops the cost
Of this once fine vehicle, almost lost

To the wrath and ravages of father time
And the DPO’s bent and twisted mind

Yet despite the butchery, corruption and rust
Beneath the dirt and mould and dust

Lies this treasure, this car, this gem from the past
Restoring it properly could be a real blast

This broken, rusting wreck silently talks to me
About former days of glory and what it again can be

Tons of work yes, but think of the fun
Driving the roads again, giving her the gun

Though really a complete and utter mess
This car still has an MG’s soul, I guess

Finally settled on money, the amount, $375 dollars
You wouldn’t have wanted to hear my wife’s hollers

A wreck like this, are you out of your mind?
I think she wanted to kick my behind

Years of work and lots of money
My MG is now a veritable honey

Restored back to stock
Now people just gawk

At the beauty, and curve of line
And really, that just suits me fine.

– Glenn Hedrich

“MGA Tuneup”

My MGA is now running quite rough
I can tell precisely when it’s not up to snuff.

Gas mileage is really starting to drop
Time for a tuneup, out I can’t cop

Pull the plugs and check the gap
Inspect the porcelain for any crap

Plugs should be of colour light tan
Replacing them, is now the best plan.

Spark plugs are screwed in really tight, Jeeze
Next time I better use compound, anti seize

Be sure to use the correct plug gap code
So to precisely bend the side electrode

Check ignition cables for frays and cracking
Don’t want high voltage arcing or mistracking

Pull the distributor to install new points
They sell new ones at auto part joints

Set the contacts at inches point oh one five
With this clearance the engine will thrive

Wipe a smidgen of grease onto the distributor cam
Nicely lubed, open and close, the points will slam

Don’t forget to pull the distributor rotor
And under it, put a drop of oil, motor

Carefully check distributor cap
If bad, another one on, do slap

Ignition wires are clamped to distributor cap by screw
Just rip them out and you will have to buy ones new

Intake and exhaust clearances need to be set
Currently way out of adjustment, I’d bet

Insert into front bumper, the long slender shank
of the solid steel, but seldom used, MG hand crank

Turn handle clockwise to crank the mill
When correct valve is up, be completely still

Set each valve carefully, using “the rule of nine”
Adjusting the tappets can be a real swine

Trying to use driver, gauge, and wrench all at once
Makes an incompetent angry, and feel like a dunce

After adjustment, the lock nuts be sure to tighten
Failure to do so, could the owner, easily frighten

Crank engine to 7 degrees before top dead center
A timing light unnecessary, don’t bother to rent her

Just use a single bulbed test light
To set up the ignition timing right

Take the car for a fast, extended run
This is to warm up the engine, son

Now to correctly adjust the SU pair
Cause they need proper fuel and air

Remove the dashpots, sitting on top
Using solvent, remove all the glop

From the dashpot’s aluminum inside
Be meticulous, don’t let this chore slide

Throttle shaft coupling need to be undone
So that each carb of the set, can act as one

Then remove all tension on the choke lever
Carburettor adjustment before this, never

Make sure the jets are exactly right on center
The carburettor needle, be sure not to bend her

Can’t adjust carbs while sitting at a bench
Open toolbox and grab your SU wrench

Counting flats, turn the jet nuts to and fro
Continue on until you get proper gas flow

Check correct mixture by lifting a pin
Right or wrong you can tell by the din

Next, carb balance you need to set
With a unisyn that’s quite easy to get

Got no unisyn? use a heater hose
It’s the best alternative, I suppose

Check one carb and then the other
This ain’t so easy, is it brother?

The carbs are now set to be running quite fair
They are sucking just the right amount of air

Clean air filters in gunk, to flush out the dirt
Don’t splash grimy solvent onto your shirt

Oil the filters, and shake them dry
But reinstalling them doesn’t fly

Cause some engineering dolt
Made them difficult to re-bolt

Tuneup is now completely done
So drop the top, and have some fun.

– Glenn Hedrich

“Canadian MG Winter Doldrums”

Living in Canada and driving an MG
Can sometimes be a real pain, you see

Half of the year, the weather is nice
Rest of the year we have snow and ice

Six months of the year I run my MG to the max
At the season’s end, my Abingdon toy I must wax

Late November my MG is sadly stored away
Garaged right until May, and there it will stay

Winter months are spent mending worn MG bits
Waiting the arrival of spring is truly the pits

A lengthy diversion is what I need
For the long winter months, up to speed

Order parts online from Moss Motors
Always wanted spare distributor rotors

Check out catalogues, Scarborough Faire and Victoria Brit
But not driving my MG makes me feel just like S*it

Look out the window and see a raging blizzard
This doesn’t warm the cockles of my gizzard

Open the door and watch the snow fall
Soon the snow banks will really be tall

With the weather now being extremely cold
An MG driver would have to be bold

To run the real risk of dermis frostbite
While simply waiting at a local stop light

Ice melting salt, on the roads is a must
If driving my MG, would cause severe rust

Despite cold snowy weather, I get the urge
Out of the garage, my little MG to purge

For a ride top down in sub zero and wet
Damn, my MG wouldn’t even start, I bet

Engine oil is probably too thick
Synthetic stuff I really should pick

So the rest of winter is spent playing rummy
Eating too much, watching tube like a dummy

Reduced to writing bad automotive poems
Instead of checking MG regulator ohms

Spring I’m quite sure, will eventually arrive
Driving my MG, I will again feel alive

– Glenn Hedrich

Editor’s note: “the cockles of my gizzard”???

“MGA Soft Top Woes”

Driving down the road in my MGA
It started out as a beautiful day

As miles pass, the sky becomes gray
A rainstorm I think, is on it’s way

A loud thunderclap confirms my fear
Lightning flashes too, and getting near

Quickly pull off to the side of the road
Trying not to engage the panic mode

Drops on the windscreen, I do see
Damn, this shouldn’t happen to me

Open car door and slither out
Going to have another bout

With the construct it yourself soft top
So that MG interior rain, I might stop

Push seats forward, out of the way
Pull folded octopus out of it’s bay

Three metal appendages and vinyl hood
Windscreen header rail, made of wood

Wrestle with bows and get them to stand
Uncurl the snarled top, I need an extra hand

Rear top retainer bar goes into chromed clips
Words “starting to rain” jump from my lips

Now press down into place, the fasteners, lift o dot
A better solution, clearly should have been sought

Rain is now bucketing down, I’m getting wet
Will be soaked to the skin soon I’d, dollars bet

Wooden header rail into windscreen guide post
Almost gotcha now, you stupid MG top, I boast

Lock 2 thumbscrews metal on metal
Jump into car, onto soaked seat I settle

Aluminum side curtains are still in the bag
Thoughts of installing, makes my spirit sag

Since I’m already pretty much drenched
And putting up top, my back got wrenched

I simply leave leaky side windows off
And motor along, I’ve had quite enough

Knowing that the MG canopy, beat me once more
This miserable abomination of a top, I do not adore

– Glenn Hedrich

“Maintenance of an MGA”

Having ownership of a classic MGA
Is enjoyable, in more than one way

Drive the car, and give her the gun
Gets you out, in fresh air and sun

MGA has very pretty lines and curves
Strangers give it attention it deserves

My friend, Steve Gyles in Lancashire UK
Drives his faithful MGA each and every day

To keep your car running and looking good
Give it some routine maintenance, you should

Little car needs regular, tender loving care
Neglect this work, I sure wouldn’t dare

Like touching up nicks and scratches
Before becoming large, rusty patches

Wax the paint to keep a nice gloss
Obtain a quality polish, from Moss

Every 3000 miles, do a complete oil change
A very important task, so be sure to arrange

Greasing of fittings needs to be regularly done
A fairly messy job, and is a little less than fun

Best type of grease to use? Golly
Many MG owners swear by Moly

Swivel pins, drive shaft and handbrake too
Need regular injections of greasy goo

Lever shocks sometimes need replacement oil
Which might leak out, and will so surely soil

The live rear axle also needs lube
Best installed by a suction gun tube

Transmission oil needs to be checked
Otherwise, gearbox could be wrecked

Transmission filler plug is under the tranny tunnel
Have to fill the gearbox by using a flex hose funnel

Transmission does not take regular gear oil mixture
30 weight motor oil in gearbox is the proper fixture

Lest the owner still needs to be directed
Troublesome soft top needs to be erected

For battery access to gain
This job is indeed a pain

Batteries are housed in special hatches
Remove metal cover with dzus latches

Check for correct water levels in the MG’s battery
This nuisance chore should be rewarded with flattery

Carburettor dampers take oil, 20 weight
Checking proper level, it’s necessary, I rate

The pinion steering rack also needs attention
Use oil, not grease, almost forgot to mention

Which is forced into rack through a grimy zerk fitting
An often forgotten spot, be sure oil gun is hitting

Common chores are almost done
Owner did good job, second to none

After oiling several butt hinges and door latches
An afternoon nap, the tired owner now catches

– Glenn Hedrich

“MGA Clutch Job”

Problem started slow and gradually got worse
My MGA I now have to nurse

Drive down the road and hit the gas
Other cars, I can no longer pass

Engine speeds up, but car goes no quicker
Time for a new clutch, up, I better pick her

Pressure plate, disc and release bearing
Needs installation with skill and caring

Disconnect starter, clutch slave, and electrical wiring
Labour would cost plenty if someone, I was hiring

Unbolt motor and transmission mounts
Using rental hoist, so every minute counts

Hoist power train out of the car, at a steep angle
Engine and tranny, on a strong chain do dangle

Lower the four cylinder and gearbox slowly to the ground
Remove all the bellhousing bolts, hear the ratchet sound

Pull the gearbox from the engine back plate
Job is progressing smoothly, isn’t that great

Remove the clutch bolts evenly, a bit at a time
Look at clutch disc facings, now thinner than a dime

Degrease flywheel and pressure plate, scuff with 120 grit
Precisely where brand new clutch disc facings will sit

Bolt disc and plate loosely back into place
Use a centering tool, this is no time to race

Do not try to center the clutch disc by eye
Doing this will most likely make you cry

Make sure pressure plate bolts are torqued tight
Now new clutch assembly is installed right

Pry off spring clips that retain the carbon release bearing
To neglect replacement, future trouble, I would be fearing

Replace worn throw out pivot bolt, and install a new bushing
Need to soak in motor oil and then insert by hammer, pushing

Mate the engine and gearbox, using special care
Slight incorrect alignment, reposition just a hair

Gearbox finally sides right home, into place
Now you can see a great big grin on my face

Bolt the duo back together once more
All this effort has made my back sore

Hoist MOWOG pair back into car
Seems job completion isn’t too far

Don’t bump crankshaft pulley into paint job
Use some thought and TLC, you careless slob

Reconnect all dangling parts
Hook up battery, see if she starts

Been working all day, forgot to eat lunch
My stomach is grumbling, quite a bunch

Engine fires and runs, clutch feels good
Off to McDonald’s for some fast food

– Glenn Hedrich

“MGA Tools”

While it’s really fun to own an MGA
There will surely come a fateful day

When unexpectedly, and without a doubt
Your little MGA toy will finally crap out

It is now you realize you have perhaps been a fool
By not stockpiling sufficient automotive tool

Neither a tool borrower, nor a lender be
Unless it is I that needs to borrow some, see?

All MG enthusiast’s sturdy workbenches
Need to be stocked with plenty of wrenches

Open end, box end, combination and more
Listing them all could be a real chore

SAE and Metric wrenches, both are needed
Whitworth not needed, advice should be heeded

Dig real deep into your pants pockets
To get sets of shallow and deep sockets

Never have the proper tool?
Over tool catalogs you drool?

Do not sit and continue to moan
Go and buy that brake cylinder hone

Lots of screwdrivers too, they never collect dust
Slot, Phillips, Posidrive, and offset are a must

Need a good solid drift punch?
Spend some money and buy a bunch

And if your wallet was a little bit fuller
You could afford a three jaw puller

A two jaw puller will have to do
But make sure it has a hardened screw

Can’t remove the seized rad petcock, cause the wrench slips?
Then purchase a pair of top quality Petersen Vice grips

A part is stuck, you need to wham her?
Go and buy a bigger ball pein hammer

Need to pull your engine, using a garage joist
Why not splurge and buy an engine hoist?

Electrical problems require the faith of Saint Peter?
Not if you purchase a digital volt ohm meter

An engine valve now need a successor?
What you need is valve spring compresser

Lifting your car really hurts your back?
Better get a floor model hydraulic jack

For tool clutter, which you want to outfox
You need a mechanics nine drawer toolbox

Which sits atop a larger twelve drawer case
Perhaps enough storage to at least keep pace

Are you starting to get the picture my friend?
There is one basic rule you simply can’t bend

To repair and maintain an MGA requires many tools
That will only cost a king’s ransom in jewels.

– Glenn Hedrich

To submit your poem, lymrick, haiku or other writings, email me!

Click here fore Page1